she is the one
today she had a really bad day and for the first time she trusted me in helping her by being her rock when she needed me. and I felt really good, like I had a place here, and I was needed. I think the whole thing helped me more than it did her.
and then she came to visit and I just told her I love her, and how it was eating me from the inside not telling her that. I never thought I'd say these words again after what happened, and I still feel the weight of all of it all of that past, but it feels right and it is the truth. I don't think I ever felt like this before for someone, and she deserves to know that.