just unlikable I guess
today once again I noticed that (what feels) every time I try to talk to someone that isn't a friend, I end up feeling like I am just annoying them. the first few times it happened I just thought that maybe I caught them at a bad time, but with different people now, I can't shake the feeling that there is just something wrong with me.
just this week I was talking to someone about hiking in Azores as they have done it before, they gave me some recommendations, I shared my recommendations from my research about Camiño de Santiago that they also want to do, and then I asked if they know any trails in a city close to us that they can share. crickets. they've read the message, still like my Instagram stories, but just didn't reply anymore.
last week I met an acquaintance that I was starting to feel was getting closer to being a friend, and we bonded over how we both had French shitboxes for cars, but as crap as they are they were still something we treasured. so today I shared a meme of when you open the car doors they creak like the start of a song. big mistake. got trapped in a conversation that felt like a scolding where I had to justify why I shared the meme and why I found it funny, like if I had committed some terrible faux pas that I had to take responsibility for.
at some point they sounded annoyed and said that it would make more sense if they were a man because they don't relate to car stuff - which I thought was besides the point of the meme - so I just replied with "lol ok, noted" to try to move on. instant regret. got immediately scolded on how using "lol" is lame, they don't like the word and I just have to accept they didn't like the meme and to move on. as if I wasn't the one trapped in a conversation I never asked, I could do with them reading and not replying to be honest.
it's not like it's news to me. don't have anyone to go for a drink with me in this city, open Telegram to see all the chats I'm in where I sent the last message without replies for days, leaving a job after a year there and not being asked for any contact details even if "just in case". guess I'm just that unlikable.