dispendable
two days before I leave my current job for - what I hope is - a better one, with really cool people, and a place where maybe I can finally find my tribe. but of course I couldn't leave a place where I actually felt I was happy without having that reality shattered by finding out by accident that I have been underpaid by 25% compared to my peers.
that completely ruined my motivation. I closed my laptop and went for a nap but then couldn't leave my bed, it made me sick. I actually felt happy here and was torn about leaving, went above and beyond to off-board properly, led projects no one wanted on my own without any help, jumped on production incidents in the middle of the night, and been sharing as much knowledge as I can so that whoever comes next doesn't have to endure the shit I did. and this made me feel like an idiot and question everything.
the math keeps revolving in my head: $20800. that's how much more these peers at the same seniority level, similar tenure, who never resolved a production incident or led projects on their own made more than I did this year. and I only found out by chance, a poisoned parting gift.