did anything change?
today I left my therapist's office with more questions than answers, and that was a good thing. if I indeed ripped the band-aid and shook everything up, why does everything still feel the same?
and I just don't know. is it because I am afraid of what comes next? or because I have been the load bearer for so long I can't remember how to relax? or simply because I just feel I did something, but everything just happened in my head?
these days it feels like I am living life at 4x speed trying to juggle all the plates on rollerskates while everyone around me is at a leisurely pace taking their sweet time. she asked me again if I want to end it all, and I don't know, all I know is that there are more plates to carry and the fear of being the one to break them. so I can't, not yet at least.